Quieting the voices that tell me I can’t

 

This week I ran, in training for the upcoming 5k race I’m entered in. Now when I say “run” I mean “old man bouncy jog” I drove out to the actual race path and begin my run. I just couldn’t get into the mood to run. I didn’t want to do it, but began my run anyway.

You see I fight with these little gremlins in my head. They are loud and constant and don’t want me to accomplish my goals, to work hard, to be uncomfortable or achieve. They whisper in my mind, just relax and be fat and lazy, that is all. “If you try you might fail. It’s safer not to try at all.” They always say.
They try everything known to man to get me to stop or not even try at all. They have a counter to every argument I have for continuing. The worst part is all their arguments are really, really good and make sense to me which is why I’m fat and out of shape. I listen to them and give in way too much. “It’s hot, I’m tired, I didn’t get good sleep last night, my foot hurts, my knees ache, my leg is cramping, sweet is dripping in my eyes, my man boobs bounce way too much, my back hurts and I’ll just have a doughnut or two to get more energy.”

Those voices in my head are nonstop and relentless!!!

All I need to do is just give myself permission to stop; because quitting is so easy; I just need to agree to be ok with it. Going on is so hard.

So how do I go on? How can I overcome these naysayers in my own head? Well I start by giving myself a pep talk, using lines from a motivational speech. “I am a Champion…!”

Voice still answers “You can’t”

 I respond; but ”I think can?”

“Why try? You will fail.”

 “You can” verses “You can’t” for the whole run the battle rages in my head.
 I slow my pace as the argument rages. Then beaten, I drop off to a walk. Defeated by myself and the voices I’ve chosen to listen to in my head. Now left only to the dutiful task of beating myself down for the rest of the day for quitting. The gremlins laugh with joy - completely fulfilled as I begin the self loathing.

I need help outside myself. I wanted advice I wanted someone to just tell me the magic trick I need to win the argument in my head. It must be someone really great because these are not your average run of the mill gremlins.

I thought about asking my little brother Darrin. He is an awesome runner and surely has developed a system for beating the voices in his head. (Everyone has these voices… right?) He is busy at work and I don’t really like to expose my failures. Maybe I’ll just Google it. That’s more anonymous. (In my head I high five myself for keeping it hidden) I can find just about anything on the internet. “Good plan” I tell myself as I drive away.

Time passes and I find myself ready for my next training run. I didn’t get around to finding “the fix” for my problem as I had hoped. (Procrastination is another problem of mine) I know if I don’t do something different, I will fail again. I know these voices too well. They can whip anyone or anything no matter how fixed in my determination I am, (Alma 47:6-18 this is how they work. They get me to weaken, or give in just a little, “come down just a little” all the while reassuring me that it will be ok but then poison me by degrees). I need to be on my “A” game if I even want to have a chance. I find my thoughts are in a panic.

 “THINK!!” I tell myself, I need a plan or I’ll fail again.

I start my run not knowing how I will fight this battle.

As I start I’m feeling good and keeping a good pace. I start to settle in and my joints start to loosen and move better. This is always the best part of the run for me, well aside from the part where I’m done and get to rest. After the first mile things start to hurt. The course was mostly downhill to start and at this point flattens out and requires a little more effort on my part.

 I can hear the voices now but they are far off and it’s easy to ignore them but the reality that they are coming for me starts a panic.

Why didn’t I prepare for this better? “Where is Darrin and Google now that I need help? WHAT WILL I DO?”
‘ Panic’ now at full tilt in my head. Somewhere in the fog of panic, voices and my own thoughts I am able pull a soft whisper from the mix. “Ask Father for Help.”

 I instantly feel foolish and ashamed, that as I was thinking earlier for the best person, the most knowledgeable and wise- I didn’t even think to ask Father.

Prayer is sometimes hard for me when I want “the fix.” I want a simple, easy, black and white answer given to me for my questions and it’s been my experience that He doesn't usually work that way with me. Most times He asks me to figure it out, (with his help of course.)

The voices tell me. “I got myself into this predicament of being out of shape. Shouldn’t I have to get myself out?

God is busy with everything else in the universe and you want Him to take time out of his busy day for this?

 It’s just running, stop acting like a child. You’re tough, you don’t need help.

What are you a wuss that needs to run home to Daddy every time the going gets a little rough? Suck it up and just do it you whimp!”

UGH the voices have a say in everything that goes on in my head it seems.

I begin the prayer in my heart as I run. “I need help with these voices in my head. They want me to give up and fail.”

 The impression comes “Why do you listen to them?” 

 “They know me and my weakness, they make ‘quitting’ make since.”

“Do you want to quit?”

“No”

“Then don’t. Just keep going. One step at a time is all we need for now.”

“But I'm tired, my feet hurt, it’s hot, the end is so far…” echoing the taunts I have heard so many times in my thoughts as if the words or beliefs are my own.

“Do you want to quit?”

“No?”

“Then don’t, just keep going… one step at a time. That is all we need for now. You will get tired, it will hurt, it is hot, but the end is not that far now that you’ve started, you’ll see. To better yourself isn’t meant to be easy. It will be hard, but I will be with you. Keep going ‘we’ can do this. ”

“Are you sure?”

“Can you trust me?”

“Yes.”

I feel some relief from the battle that was ragging in my head and that somehow lightens my load. It is easier to run. Not because I’m lighter or younger or the road is shorter, “it is what it is” but now I am not alone with the voices.  

As I pray I notice the voices are getting farther away and harder to hear. If I want to hear them now, I really have to listen. But I chose not to try to hear them. My run is better just knowing the voices have moved further away for now and are kept at a distance. They are still there but out of reach for now like shadows that must hide from the light. From time to time they sneak back in my head, bombarding me with doubt but I immediately begin praying for help and they leave. It is as if they have been trained to go.

When the course turned for home it started the long uphill pull to the finish line.

“This is getting harder and all my energy is used up” I say starting to panic.

“This is hard, but we can make it.”

Finally the finish is in sight, I am spent, all used up, so tired but I’m smiling as I finish.
The run was good and I met my goal. I have felt my Father’s love today. As I reflect I am filled with admiration for my Heavenly Father and that he always has time for me and my silliness. It is literally astounding to me that he loves me and cares for me. He has told me time and time again “If it’s important to you it’s important to me.”

I have done nothing to deserve his attention and yet, He is always there when I ask.

Life is Good!

 

Post script: the gremlins in my head are Satan and his legions. They want us to fail every time and are giddy when they succeed.  Their happiness is always fleeting and must be replaced continually. Their happiness only comes from our sadness and failure. Any time we have negative ‘self-talk’ (this is different from a constructive self evaluation) that tears us down, it is not of God and therefore by default we know it comes from, ‘Satan’. If we want to get rid of the thoughts Satan plants in our minds we just need to introduce the spirit - for where there is light there cannot be darkness.

Prayer

Just some personal notes,

In my Sunday school class a long time ago the topic of discussion moved to prayers and answers to those prayers. A man about 38 raise his hand and said something like “you can talk all you want about answers to prayers but I have been praying my whole life and have never received an answer.” this troubled me deeply.

Prayer is one of the greatest blessings we have while we are here on earth. Through prayer we can communicate with our Heavenly Father and seek his guidance daily. We are all children of God. He loves us and knows our needs, and He wants us to communicate with Him through prayer. We should pray to Him and no one else. The Lord Jesus Christ commanded, 3 Nephi 18:19 "Ye must always pray unto the Father in my name". As we make a habit of approaching God in prayer, we will come to know Him and draw ever nearer to Him. Our desires will become more like His. So that should be our goal, to have our desires in line with his. We then will be able to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that He is ready to give if we will but ask in faith.

Always give thanks to Heavenly Father. We should "live in thanksgiving daily, for the many mercies and blessings which he doth bestow upon [us]" (Alma 34:38). As we take time to remember our blessings, we will recognize how much our Heavenly Father has done for us. We should express our thanks to Him.

Receiving Answers to Prayer

The Savior taught, (Matthew 7:7–8)"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: for every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened". To the Nephites in (3 Nephi 18:20) He said, "Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is right, believing that ye shall receive, behold it shall be given unto you".
Heavenly Father hears our prayers. He may not always answer as we expect, but He does answer—in His own time and according to His will. Because He knows what is best for us,

Answers to prayer come in many ways.

One answer to a faithful prayer is illustrated through the experience of Oliver Cowdery, an early elder of the Church, when he attempted to help with translating the Book of Mormon. He was told to "study it out in [his] mind" and, if his translation were right, it would be confirmed with a burning in his bosom; if wrong, a "stupor of thought" would come (D&C 9:8-9). When prayers are answered, one experiences peace of mind and assurance that God has heard, even though the answer may be no. The Savior's submissiveness as he prayed in Gethsemane shows us a good example when he said: "Nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done" (Luke 22:42).

Answers often come in different ways to all of us like; through the still, small voice of the Holy Ghost; this may come as feelings, impressions or sudden inspirations. They may come in the circumstances of our lives or through the kind acts of those around us. Often God gives us the power to help answer our own prayers. We can ask the lord for help in understanding how he talks to us, so that we can become more acquainted with it.
 I did this once when following the challenge of my steak president. I prayed for help in understanding how he talks to me. I found that after I would pray for something and then that situation would play out that I would get a “run down” form the spirit telling “do you remember when you had that feeling not to go, but you did and it didn’t turnout good for you? Well that was me talking to you, helping you. I continued to pray for his help in knowing how he spoke to me and through many of these experiences I started to see how the spirit would talk to me and help me if I would listen, and better yet how to tell the promptings from my own thoughts and feelings.

Sometimes the answer will be yes; sometimes, no; sometimes, wait; sometimes, not yet; and sometimes he will let us work it out ourselves. We need to listen and remember how the Holy Ghost talks to us so we can more readily heed its promptings. Heavenly Father knows what is best for us, and he will give us “good things” or the things that will help us the most, because he loves us. He will answer our sincere prayers. And we can partake of those answers if we are prepared and listening.
As we continue to draw near to our Heavenly Father through prayer, we will recognize more readily His merciful and wise answers to our pleadings. We will find that He is our "refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble" (Psalm 46:1). Sometimes we do not realize that Heavenly Father has answered our prayers, but later we see that he has given us an answer.

So how can we know how and what to pray for?

Alma 7:23 "I would that ye should be humble,…asking for whatsoever things ye stand in need, both spiritual and temporal; always returning thanks unto God for whatsoever things ye do receive"

Seek the guidance of the Holy Ghost so we will know what to include in our prayers. The Holy Ghost can teach us to pray and guide us in the things we say (He can help us pray "according to the will of God"

3^rd Nephi 19:24 And it came to pass that when Jesus had thus prayed unto the Father, he came unto his disciples, and behold, they did still continue, without ceasing, to pray unto him; and they did not multiply many words, for it was given unto them what they should pray, and they were filled with desire. So we can see from this scripture that if we pray with the help of the Holy Ghost we will know what to pray for and how to pray.

D&C 46:30 He that asketh in the Spirit asketh according to the will of God; wherefore it is done even as he asketh.

  Language of prayer

o    President Spencer W. Kimball commented, "In all our prayers, it is well to use the pronouns thee, thou, thy, and thine instead of you, your, and yours inasmuch as they have come to indicate respect" (p. 201). Unnecessary repetition of God's name is avoided,

    The Church uses set prayers only in temple ordinances, in the two Sacrament prayers, and in the baptismal prayer. "By revelation the Lord has given the Church…set prayers for use in our sacred ordinances…. [These] relate to the Atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ, his crucifixion, and his burial and resurrection. All of the ordinances in which we use these prayers place us under solemn covenants of obedience to God" (Kimball et al., p. 56). In all other instances, Latter-day Saints express themselves in their own words.

o    

·         Preparation for prayer

o    A tranquil time and place allow quiet contemplation on the specific requests one may make. Joseph Smith went to a nearby grove to pray for an answer to his question, and received his glorious vision. Job was told, "Prepare thine heart, and stretch out thine hands toward him" (Job 11:13). Alma ₂ listed the qualities of a heart prepared for prayer: "I would that ye should be humble, and be submissive and gentle; easy to be entreated; full of patience and long-suffering…being diligent in keeping the commandments of God…. And see that ye have faith, hope, and charity, and then ye will always abound in good works" (Alma 7:23-24). Moroni ₂ stressed the need for "a sincere heart,…real intent,…[and] faith in Christ" (Moro. 10:4).

Lessons in receiving answers

or,

A father’s lesson on talking to Father

I would like to share a personal story with you. When we were looking to buy a house we only had a limited amount of time to get into a house and needed the Lord’s help. We had prayed about one particular house and had asked the Lord if he would help us get it.  I felt assured that He would help us.

One day, as the deadline closed in on the time frame we needed, our mortgage broker called to say it would be impossible to get a loan on that house. I was crushed.  I believed that the Lord had told us He would help us get this house. Later that day I stopped by my mom and dad’s house and Dad was home alone. I told him the story and got a little emotional as I told him that I had felt that Father had told me He would help us get the house.  And now I had found out it would not be possible. He reassured me that if that was the case that there was a good reason for the way things were turning out. I said, through tears, “I know you’re right, but Father told me He would help us get that house if we wanted it and I want it! (Foot stomp) I just don’t understand and I’m sick of not understanding.”

Dad slowly stood up and asked, “Do you really want to know the answer? I know there is an answer, if you will ask, then listen.

” Yes,” I said, “ I want to know, no! I need to know.”

 I felt as though some part of my testimony was riding on it. “Then let’s go,” he said.

I followed him into his bedroom where he closed the door and said, “ This is what I think we should do.  I’ll pray, then you pray, then we’ll repeat this process for as long as it takes for you to feel that you have received the answer you need.”

He started a very heartfelt prayer on my behalf then closed it.  Without opening my tear filled eyes, I began my prayer and told Him of my feelings and how I was so hurt by the news that we couldn’t get a loan on the house I had wanted, after He had said He would help us get it. Then I closed my prayer. Again Dad began, this time slower, and as he prayed I felt thoughts and impressions filling my head. It was my turn again. My prayer was more thankful this time and my words were more thought out, as the thoughts and impressions continued to fill my mind and teach me. We each prayed three times and after my last prayer, which was a prayer of complete thanksgiving, Dad asked if we needed to go on. I said, “no.  I have my answer.”

Dad asked me to tell him what the answer was. I told him that first I had felt that the Lord rebuked me, the impression was, “I am God and by my power all things are and were created. I have all power and I have told you that if you wanted that house I would get it for you. But you let a man, a mortgage broker tell you there is no way and you choose to believe him over me.”

Second, “If this house is what you really want, it may not fall within the time frame you need it to, and  there are problems with that house that if you buy it now it will not be easy to sell later after the problems are made known.”

Then lastly was this impression,” Now, I said I would get you that house and if you still want it, it’s yours.”

As I look at this story I see some problems, first in the way I went about asking for help. Perhaps the better way to start out would have been to ask Father to lead me to a house that would be good for my little family. Then once I had found one I could have asked if it was right. Instead I jumped right to the “will you help me get it” prayer. Perhaps I needed to be dragged down this path to save my family from a bad investment. If we ask for something and are worthy to receive those blessings He may be bound to give us what we ask for instead of what is best for us or in other words like asking for brass, when He wants to give us gold.